Moving or Staying?

: Staying or Moving when a Spouse is Deployed? ::

When your spouse receives orders to deploy, your first impulse may be to pack up your belongings and move back "home" to more familiar surroundings, especially if you haven't been married for long. While there are advantages to being among family and old friends while your spouse is away, there are many benefits to staying in your military community. Before making a decision, it's important to think through the pros and cons of staying or moving.

Deciding what's right for you
The decision to stay or leave is a personal one that will depend on a number of factors, including how new you are to the community and whether you have children whose routines would be disrupted by a move. Here are some things to consider:

Do you have ties to the community where you live? If you have lived on or near the installation for awhile, you have probably developed support systems that can help you while your spouse is away. You may belong to a church or other house of worship, you may be close with your neighbors, and you may have made friends with other military spouses. The people in these communities should be able to help you with any challenges you encounter during the deployment.

Do you have children? It's easier to pick up and move if you don't have children. But if you have a baby or toddler, you may want to live with relatives who can help you care for them. If your children are older, moving may be too disruptive, especially if they are in school and involved with sports, lessons, or other organized activities. Keep in mind that just as your friends offer support to you, your children's friends can provide support for them.

Do you have a place to move to? If you plan to move back in with a parent or other relative, how do they feel about sharing their home with you and perhaps your children? Although moving back home may be done with the best of intentions, it can also create added stress. Your own expectations as well as your family's may have changed since you have been out on your own.

Can you afford to move twice? Moving means paying transportation costs for you and your children twice -- once when you leave, and again when you return to the installation. You will also have to pay to transport or store your furniture and other possessions.

Do you have other options? You may want to think about scheduling trips to visit friends or family to break up a long deployment.

Are you willing to spend the time before your spouse deploys preparing to move? If there's enough notice before the deployment, you and your spouse may want to take a last-minute vacation or just be together without the distraction of packing up your home, canceling services, and looking for a new place to live.

If you will be paying rent in a new location, will it be covered by your base housing allowance (BAH)? BAH is based on the housing market in the region where the installation is located. If rent is more expensive back home, then you will have to cover the difference yourself.

Will you lose your base housing if you leave? Check with the housing office to find out whether you can leave your place vacant until you return following the deployment.

Does a family member need access to special medical treatment? If you have a child in the Exceptional Family Member program, the special care he or she receives may not be available in your new location.

Advantages of remaining on the installation

Access to base services. If you stay on or near your installation, you'll have easy access to the commissary, exchange, recreational activities, family and community support, legal assistance, and other services.

Family readiness and unit activities. Many bases have special activities and programs for family members of deployed service members. This is a good way to meet others in your situation and to stay connected with your spouse's unit.

Medical care. If you need to see a health care provider while you are living away from the installation, you may be unable to find a preferred provider. Therefore, you will be expected to pay for the treatment yourself.

Other military families to turn to for support. At the installation, you are not the only one who is dealing with the deployment of a spouse. It can be comforting to be with people who share your experience or have already been through a spouse's deployment. Friends and family back home may not understand the military lifestyle or the unique circumstances of a deployed service member. They may question why your spouse doesn't write or call more often, and even wonder why he or she has to be away for so long.

Safety and security. You and your spouse will have peace of mind knowing you are in the safe environment of a military installation.

Keeping children's routines intact. Your children may enjoy visiting their grandparents or other relatives, but leaving home to move in with them -- even temporarily -- will disrupt your children's normal routines.

A chance to settle in. If you recently moved to the installation, you can start putting down roots while your spouse is away. Your spouse's transition back home after the deployment will be easier if routines have been established and the family is settled in.

Advantages of moving closer to family

You will get a break from the military lifestyle. While the military has much to offer, there may be times when you need to get away, especially if you feel overwhelmed or find yourself around people who are unhappy about their spouses' deployments. It's not easy to keep up your spirits when others are negative.

You will be in comfortable surroundings with people you love. If you recently moved to the installation and your spouse deployed before you had a chance to settle in, it may make sense to go home. You may feel at loose ends if you just moved to the area and don't know anyone.

You will be connected back into your old support system. If you had a job, your old employer may be willing to take you back. Friends and family members may be able to watch your children.

You may be able to save money. If you move in with your parents or other relatives during your spouse's deployment, you'll have an opportunity to add to your savings.

If you decide to move closer to family

Give your contact information to your spouse's unit. Though it sounds obvious, be sure to give your spouse your new address and phone number.

Notify installation housing or your landlord that you will be moving out.

Change your address at the post office. Otherwise your mail won't be forwarded.

Keep in touch with the family support center, family readiness group, ombudsmen, or Key Volunteers, depending on your branch of service. Visit the Web site of the unit to stay connected.

Other resources
Your installation's support services
Depending on your service branch, your Fleet and Family Support Center, Marine Corps Community Services, Airman and Family Readiness Center, or Army Community Service Center can provide you with information and support.

Military OneSource
This free 24-hour service, provided by the Department of Defense, is available to all active duty, Guard, and Reserve members and their families. Consultants provide information and make referrals on a wide range of issues. You can reach the program by telephone at 1-800-342-9647 or through the Web site at http://www.militaryonesource.com.

This article was written with the help of Bettye Donley, Relocation Readiness Program Manager, US Army Community & Family Support Center; Brian W. Churchill, HQ AFPC/DPFFF, Family Matters Operations Branch; and Ed L. Roscoe, Family Readiness Programs, Commander, Navy Installations.

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